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Finding Your Way Back to You: Navigating Life After Separation or Divorce

Going through a separation or divorce can feel like you’re lost in a maze, can’t it? It’s a tough time, so many of us can attest to that, but remember this—you’ve got the power to find your way back to joy and independence. Let’s walk through some essential steps to help you during this challenging period.

Take Care of You: The Basics

First and foremost, make self-care your top priority. Keep tabs on your physical, emotional and mental health. This lays a strong foundation for a happier future. Whether it’s talking to friends, spending time in nature, or even seeking help from a therapist, every little step counts. It’s also important to maintain yourself if you’re separating or divorcing with children involved because they’re going to need you to support them as well.

When you fly on an airplane, the flight attendant instructs you to “put your oxygen mask on first,” before helping others. Why is this an important rule for ensuring survival?  Because if you run out of oxygen yourself, you can’t help anyone else with their oxygen mask. Or put more simply: if you die, you can’t help anyone else.

This is an important metaphor for those who spend a great deal of their time taking care of others. If you don’t take care of yourself, you can experience burnout, stress, fatigue, reduced mental effectiveness, health problems, anxiety, frustration, and inability to sleep.

If you’re a caregiver and navigating a separation or divorce, you need to replenish your energy and reserves in order to continue to take care of others.

Communicate Clearly with Your Ex

Open and honest communication with your former partner is key. By setting clear boundaries, you’re not just avoiding unnecessary drama; you’re also making sure you maintain your independence. Think of it as redefining how you relate to each other, in a way that respects your individual lives.

It might not be easy, but talking about things upfront and being as clear and as clinical as possible about it all, will allow you to create defined boundaries that put structure around a decidedly chaotic time in your life. – Healthy Boundaries During Separation and Divorce (

Create Achievable Goals

Why not use this time to plan out some life goals? These can be as simple as getting fit, diving into a new hobby or even aspiring for a new job. Small, achievable milestones can work wonders for your self-confidence and sense of autonomy.

Achieving these smaller goals can offer a cascade of ‘mini victories,’ which not only sustain your morale but actively contribute to rebuilding your self-confidence. As you meet each goal, you progressively affirm your capability to navigate this new life stage, reinforcing your autonomy and empowering you to face the challenges ahead with increased resilience. In essence, goal-setting serves as both a navigational tool and a confidence builder, equipping you to better traverse the path that lies ahead.

It’s OK to Ask for Help

During emotional times like these, leaning on your friends and family is crucial. Support groups and professional counsellors can also provide helpful perspectives. You don’t have to go through it all alone.

Financial Awareness: A Must-Do

A separation or divorce often shakes up your financial world. Be proactive about it. Create a new budget and review important documents like your will and insurance policies to make sure they’re up-to-date.

Being proactive is key. Crafting a new budget and revisiting crucial documents like your will and insurance policies ensure that you’re adapting to your changed circumstances. In this context, using a tool like the Separation Journal can be invaluable.

The journal provides a structured space to track your expenses, plan upcoming financial commitments and manage assets or debts. This approach offers you not only a sense of control but also a clear roadmap for achieving your financial goals post-separation. Having this guidance can ease the process and boost your confidence as you navigate these complex transitions.

Rediscover Your Interests

Felt like you lost a bit of yourself during the relationship? Now’s the perfect time to rediscover your interests or even find new ones. Whether it’s joining a book club, taking up a hobby or volunteering, new activities can help you build a stronger sense of self.

Think about activities that bring you back to yourself and give you pleasure, even if it’s a small thing at first like planting new lavender, painting by numbers or even hiking. Reclaiming an activity that brings you joy will ensure you’re maintaining your own self-care and also building yourself back up into your new identity, post-separation.

Prioritise Your Health

Don’t forget that your physical and mental well-being needs ongoing attention. Regular exercise, a balanced diet and enough sleep are key ingredients for wellness. It’s crucial not to neglect your physical and mental health during a separation and divorce. Consistent exercise serves multiple functions—it not only improves your physical condition but also releases endorphins, which act as natural mood lifters. A balanced diet rich in nutrients can significantly affect your emotional state and cognitive function. Consuming meals that are high in vitamins, minerals and antioxidants can support your mental clarity and emotional stability.

It can be hard to switch off and get restful sleep at the best of times but adequate sleep is another pillar of health that tends to be compromised during stressful life events like separation. Lack of restorative sleep can lead to a variety of issues, ranging from irritability to decreased immune function. Therefore, prioritising quality sleep should be an integral part of your wellness plan.

It will benefit you if you maintain a regimen that incorporates regular exercise, proper nutrition and sufficient sleep, you’re building a foundation for resilience and well-being. This holistic approach not only enhances your ability to cope with the emotional and practical aspects of separation but also arms you with the energy and clarity you’ll need to navigate this challenging period effectively.

Be Kind to Yourself

Lastly, remember that it’s OK to be gentle with yourself as you navigate this journey. Journaling and professional help from therapists or counselors can be a real game-changer here.

Navigating the aftermath of a separation or divorce is tough, but you’re tougher. Armed with these tips, you can step forward with confidence, looking forward to a future filled with joy and self-reliance.

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